Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
