He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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