my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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