I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
