ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
