Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
