I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
