She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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