I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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