So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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