I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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