dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
