He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize