she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
