Need sex. Gaining weight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
