In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
