i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My ass is underappreciated
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
