did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
