sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
