some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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