so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i will never coherently bang her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
