I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize