You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
