Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
