Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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