My hair reeks of homosexuality.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize