Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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