The best revenge is premature balding
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
