Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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