My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
