note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
