i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
