omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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