I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
