the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
