She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
