I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
