Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
