smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
