yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
