Don't you send me to vm
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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