dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
