Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's shark week go big or go home
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
