Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize