I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can I color on your dick again?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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