Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
