It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
