i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
