it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't turn off my feet"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
