what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
