i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
