tell your sister to shave her snatch
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
