based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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