its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
