you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
