I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize