Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
