It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
