I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Blood and glitter go together right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
