Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
