I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
