I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
