You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
