it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
