So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
