smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
