did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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