is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
