ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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