Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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