If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
