So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
