I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
