they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize