This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
