Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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