Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
