Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
