my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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