So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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