the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How naked do you want me to be?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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