I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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