had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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