I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
These tits shall not be calmed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
