the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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