Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
