GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
