Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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