Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize