You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is Oprah even human
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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