My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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