Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
