Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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