Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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