Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
