Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
