Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
