I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
