I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
