the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
