The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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