And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
